So I have some news to share with you friends. But first let me paint you a picture of what my life has looked like as of late.
Have you ever experienced those times in your life when you are CERTAIN that the Lord is asking you to do something that is so outside of your comfort zone that you think... "really God? REALLY." Well that's where I was. It is amazing to me how fear rears it's ugly head in my life in SO many areas. I haven't done so many things because of fear and I refuse to be that person for the rest of my life and this wasn't going to be another thing that I miss out on!
So... (drum roll please) I am buying a house in Conway. I don't know if this is the place I will settle in, but it is home for now. I have found the perfect house and I am closing on March 22nd. I am so proud of my future little home and I can't wait for it to be mine.
And for all of you dear friends out of state... I'm sad to say that I will not be moving to each and every one of your towns. BUT I will have a guest bedroom with your names on it! And of course I will still be visiting you all. Even if it once in a blue moon friends that are more than 6 hours away.
Showing posts with label growing up. Show all posts
Showing posts with label growing up. Show all posts
Monday, February 21, 2011
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Matters of the heart-- Part 2
Last July I came accross this quote by CS Lewis (via the wonderful Candace Chaney). As I was reading it and thinking about it, the Lord shook my heart in the deepest of ways.
"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket-safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable."
You see, this was my heart. The only way I knew how to "protect" myself was by staying clear of letting new people in. I didn't even realize what I was doing until I read this quote. As I read it over and over... and over, I asked myself this question: "Is this who I am? Have I taken this so far that my heart is unbreakable, impenetrable, and irredeemable? Oh please God, don't say it is too late for me." As I was talking through this and processing, a whole year of processing I might add, the Lord showed me that it is not too late for me. Though I was far closer to my heart being unbreakable, impenetrable, and irredeemable than I would like, He began to speak hope and life over me. He began to remind me that He has called me to a life of fullness and that I was going to have to take some huge leaps of faith to start my journey. Slowly He has been showing me what it looks like to actually use my heart, to not keep people at a distance, and to move and speak and love when He asks me to.
For the first time in a long while, I can feel my-self, my heart, changing. It is SO scarry... but oh so good. Thanks to my amazing sister and sister in law for speaking truth and love over me even when it was hard for me to hear, and for believing that I was not in too deep. For the first time I am starting to dream again. Dreaming of a future, full of Love for whoever enters into my life. Whether it be my family, friends, students, a husband, kids... I will love them as fully as I can. But most of all, I will love my God more fully than I have ever been able to. I also think that I will be able to finally let people love me again without the fear of being left in ruins. He WILL take care of me. His name is FAITHFUL, and I will obey.
Blogging is going to be a way to practice talking about my feelings. Thanks Lydia for reading. : )
"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket-safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable."
You see, this was my heart. The only way I knew how to "protect" myself was by staying clear of letting new people in. I didn't even realize what I was doing until I read this quote. As I read it over and over... and over, I asked myself this question: "Is this who I am? Have I taken this so far that my heart is unbreakable, impenetrable, and irredeemable? Oh please God, don't say it is too late for me." As I was talking through this and processing, a whole year of processing I might add, the Lord showed me that it is not too late for me. Though I was far closer to my heart being unbreakable, impenetrable, and irredeemable than I would like, He began to speak hope and life over me. He began to remind me that He has called me to a life of fullness and that I was going to have to take some huge leaps of faith to start my journey. Slowly He has been showing me what it looks like to actually use my heart, to not keep people at a distance, and to move and speak and love when He asks me to.
For the first time in a long while, I can feel my-self, my heart, changing. It is SO scarry... but oh so good. Thanks to my amazing sister and sister in law for speaking truth and love over me even when it was hard for me to hear, and for believing that I was not in too deep. For the first time I am starting to dream again. Dreaming of a future, full of Love for whoever enters into my life. Whether it be my family, friends, students, a husband, kids... I will love them as fully as I can. But most of all, I will love my God more fully than I have ever been able to. I also think that I will be able to finally let people love me again without the fear of being left in ruins. He WILL take care of me. His name is FAITHFUL, and I will obey.
Blogging is going to be a way to practice talking about my feelings. Thanks Lydia for reading. : )
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